i'm wearing my fake engagement ring. yeah. it's one of THOSE days.
i think there comes a time when everyone just wants to feel claimed - and i do. but there comes a time for me when i want to feel claimed beyond what might be possible or appropriate for the present circumstances. it's not that i want to be ENGAGED; i think engaged people sometimes feel as lost as people who are "just dating," just like as someone who is dating a boy, i sometimes feel as lost if not more lost than when i was single. and i'm sure married people sometimes feel more lost than anybody.
but we're human and crave concrete symbols of belonging, love, hope.
some days my faux diamond (which sparkles quite alluringly) is the concrete symbol that i want. so i wear it. i wore it more when i wasn't in a relationship, because as soon as people find out you're dating someone, they're asking you when you're getting engaged. OH PLEASE.
the day looms before me, filled but unfilled. i'm not sure if i want a night to myself or not. this is the thing: i'm never guaranteed to be wanted. and that sort of bothers me.
i'm a go-getter so i think others assume that if i want something, i'll either ask straightforwardly for it, or make it happen for myself. fact is, i'm fully capable of orchestrating just about anything (including a bunch of things i've coerced people into doing for my own entertainment - it's a marvelous power) but sometimes i don't want to HAVE to. sometimes i want things to be taken care of for me.
princess, princess
pretty and
lonely
well that's about enough of my insanity for now.
have un bon weekend, all.
i miss you. come back?
1 comment:
ah yes. the twanger being a wonderful example of "coercing for your own entertainment". my poor father. good times, though.
the "don't want to have to" conversation, have it all the time with myself. while sometimes they think they're being nice by letting you choose or say what you want, really there are times when all we want is for them to say "i'm taking you here for dinner and then we're going to do this" i think it's the princess in us that sometimes wants our man to just carry us away (on his plans).
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