if it makes you happy . . .

i'm not going to die from underarm cancer.
{claude, in Margot at the Wedding}

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i recommend that movie very highly, but only to a certain type of person and not to anyone in particular. so if you go and watch it, don't come back to me appalled at some of its content and repulsed by my low moral standard.

now i made it sound like it's the most horrible disgusting movie ever, and it's not. but it does deal with some mature issues. consider yourself forewarned.

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pet peeve #2,317: when people call or text me and it's painfully obvious that they're only doing so because they're bored. um, hello? do you really think i can't tell? i'm okay with multi-tasking IF you can successfully drive / clean / eat / empty your bladder and carry on a conversation, but if i hear you put me on speakerphone so you can write a letter to someone else at the same time, i'm going to be brusque about it and say, "why don't i let you go."

last night a CBT (Chronic Bored Texter) made my tweety text message alert go off, and thinking it might have been someone else, i excitedly picked up my phone. after seeing it was this person, my heart fell but i read the message anyway. all it said was, "Boo."

call me a lit. major text message snob, but that was barely worth his energy to type and send, much less worth my energy to read it and respond. what it obviously was, was a totally meaningless text message meant to elicit a response from me so that this CBT could feel popular because he received a text. whether he was alone in his house with nothing to do or out in a group and wanting some attention from someone several hundred miles away, it doesn't matter. that's pathetic and dumb, and i'm not playing into it.

i'm not just an evil person - but this particular individual has done this so many times, and i'm tired of it. so like any fed-up girl with a headache in a non-air conditioned apartment on a 90-degree day, i promptly deleted the text message and went on with my life.

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A Story: My Very Expensive Trip to Target

yesterday i went to Target. i had no time constraints, but i had a list. see, i'm going away soon for a short while, and as is the custom, i'm out of several things i truly need (i.e. certain toiletry items i cannot and should not go without). i also find myself facing a week with some more-than-averagely active people, and if you know me it should come as no surprise that i don't have a wide selection (or even a narrow selection) of what we call "active wear" in my wardrobe. i think i still have my "Fit For Life" gym shorts with my last name scrawled on the rubbery blank bar from seventh grade, but at this point the shreddy ghetto look isn't going to cut it.

so there i was, in the clothes section, rummaging through the picked-over selection of cover-ups and the alluring clearance racks. i picked up a total of 4 unnecessary clothes items, which i'm proud to say i abandoned in the end. yes, that's right, i tried on, deliberated over, put in my cart, and then eventually deleted 4 sale and/or clearance items of clothing. there is a God.

oh, but thrifty little shopper me couldn't escape completely unscathed from the whimsical, the fascinating, and the unnecessary. no. otherwise, why the hell would i have gone to Target in the first place? silly goose.

here is my one "miscellaneous" purchase, and i'm quite proud of it:

yes, friends, those are wall decals by Dwell Studio. they were hanging seductively on the end of the baby section, and the telltale red-orange clearance sticker drew me in. i bought 2 packages, each of which has 24 decals. and conveniently, all those little dots you see are grouped on 1 circular decal - so no, you don't have to apply all the tiny pieces separately. even better, they're reusable - i can stick and unstick them as many times as my tiger heart desires.

the reason this is a perfect purchase is: THE PATTERN OF DOTS AND COLORS MATCH MY BEDDING PRECISELY. it's exactly like how i knew i was supposed to buy my turquoise 3-inch heels because their color matched the turquoise in a skirt i'd bought 2 years earlier.

it's meant to be.
it's destiny.


The End.