with all my heart

thank you dear jillian for defending me.

you see, i posted what was meant to be an encouragement to my friend's plumed soul (and not only that, but an indirect kick to my own butt) on one of her recent entries. i told her, "i love that you love to love your job, and hope one day i have the same privilege."

it wasn't meant to be a "poor me, my life is miserable and i'm powerless to do anything about it" comment. i'm afraid some might have taken it that way. on the contrary! let it be known that my words were meant to acknowledge the brave thing jillian has done in pursuing her dream. my comment was less about me, and more about her.

a subsequent (and no doubt well-meaning) commentor wrote this:

97% of enjoying what you do is a mindset. The majority of loving your job is up to you and the attitude you bring to the job, it's not about the actual job.

Consider this opposing cliche' when ever you find yourself thinking the grass is greener on the other side. How many times have you heard this?

'I changed my hobby into a buisness and I'd never do it again.'

This guy in the example loved something, put it into the "work catagory", and started to hate it. Next time you hear the cliche', understand that guy probably needs and attitude adjustment not a new job.

I considered deleting the preaching, but I've been seeing this, 'if only I could...' thinking alot. It's an ongoing theme when parousing the "girl blogs" and reading profiles that I've found on etsy. So, I hope I didn't push readers away from Plumes comments or her site, but instead changed some attitudes.




so jillian responded this way, verbalizing the strange balance between loving what i have while still wanting more --- perhaps better than i ever could have:

I appreciate your words of wisdom. I think K. means that she hopes to spend more of her time and life doing and making what she was born to do -- which is poetry (if you didn't know that she is the ONLY poet in my life, you should stop by her blog...but it's only the tip of the iceberg). She does wonderfully in her day to day job since she is an amazing woman who can see past the shallows of things and into the depths of most people. She is very good at her work AND she is very good at the work she does which is not part of her job description -- I think when she looks past her daily frustrations she is indeed very fulfilled with her work. Her yen is more for a quenching of her soul fire.

And her soul is made of ink and paper.
That's just that.




and now, to defend myself: i'm in complete agreement that one's enjoyment of any situation depends mostly on one's attitude. thank you for the reminder. i'm sorry to anyone who finds wistful thinking irritating or pathetic. do i feel that the individual who made the above comments about my words to jillian meant to personally attack me? no. do i feel the slightest bit of offense that my encouragement to her was taken out of context and responded to with the intention of "changing my attitude" by someone who doesn't know me? yes. do i recognize that it's all part of a dialogue that's bigger than just me? of course. but i felt the need to speak for myself on the subject and explain the fact that i'm not just a silly, helpless person.

i have lived many hours dreaming and hoping. i do not regret this. i see that taken to the extreme, wishful thinking can be pitiful and potentially paralyzing. but it is built into who i am to want more from life. i'm meant for more than anything the world could give me, dream job included.

our hearts are restless

until we rest in Thee

{st. augustine}