storm

i am weathering the biggest storm of my life.

in the beginning, i thought i was going to die. the freezing water enveloped me and turned my limbs to lead. i flailed hopelessly, sinking. darkness crept in at the edges of my vision. i fell in slow motion toward the bottom of the sea without any strength or resistance.

but a force stronger and quieter than any storm has taken hold of me now. it is with me; i am within it. my life feels protected and considered precious enough to save. he brought me up out of deathly waters; he pulled me back over the railing, a heap of defeat slumped on the deck.

i was worth saving.
i am worth saving.

now my hair falls in wet ropes; my clothes cling to me like a sloppy second skin. i am not beautiful now, or maybe i am; i am being MADE beautiful. i am lashed to the mast of a greater being. the vessel dips and bucks, but holds steady; sometimes i'm not sure if it's the sea itself or the sea in me that is so turbulent.

but i am at the fierce mercy of the waves, the severe mercy of his hand gripping my heart, until he speaks.
until he calms the storm in me and silences the churning water.
until then, i bow my head
and bless the name greater than any name,
and cling to the strength more silent than any storm.