isolation + pita chips = heaven?

it's been a few weeks full of strange encounters, intense conversations, too-late nights, and unexpected remembrances. there have been times i've felt so fulfilled and times i've felt ambushed (both by others and by myself). i've felt affirmed and destroyed. i've had thoughts so clear pierce my mind and i've been kidnapped (black bag over the face and all) by confusion.

life is life in the extremes

all of this extremity & complexity has led to me wanting a day off. from life. i know it's sort of cowardly to run from my problems, but i've been pressing hard into the insanity of becoming for over a year now. my soul needs a vacation. in France. no, make that St. Maarten. no, Maui during whale season . . .

i saw this photo on decor8 this morning and it soothed my restless tired mind immediately. it's a shot from the home of Jan Eleni, an interior designer from New York. i love many things about it: that light, those tall windows, the wide planks of the wood floor, the white bachelorette-looking loveseat that looks so comfortably rumpled.


i could take a day off in this room. i could lounge on that ottoman. i could bachelorette it up on that sofa (translation: listen to Bjork, write 17 pages in my journal, nap, eat pita chips & hummus, take on my 114-episode-strong Hulu queue). i could let the poison seep out in the warmth of the light from those windows. i could heal a little (maybe a lot) staring at that gorgeous ceiling.

i could just be me and not worry about who i am being misinterpreted or hurting anyone. i could exist in a vacuum, for one day (so long as i didn't text, call, email, or facebook anyone). i could be safe. in times like these my intraversion surfaces --- all i want is isolation & insulation. it sounds anti-social, but i promise it isn't. it's just what i need sometimes. all things considered, i am a very socially adept introvert :)

in times like these i'm extra thankful for this space and you people; i can say whatever i want here and no one takes offense, no one hates me, no one stabs me with guilt or obligation. in some ways i have the best friends in the world, the best love, the strongest wings bearing me upward. maybe all of you have been hurt too and it makes your voices kinder. if this is how difficulty changes us, into more compassionate spirits, then i can weather these few weeks. i can and i will.

life is bravery.