oct. 3-4: last hurrah weekend with another moving-away-soon friend
oct. 5-9: atlanta
oct. 15-17: wisconsin
and there goes october. how is it the 4th weekend of this month already? this is slightly dismaying. my patients have always told me that time only goes more quickly as you get older. i never really imagined this was possible, but after 7 years of hearing this from them, i'm beginning to see exactly what they mean.
however, after being subject to this phenomenon (that of time flying) for so long, after feeling overrun by my own schedule and so permanently ADD about life, i'm ready for a change.
i want to be a person who is present. i want to be a person who can have a conversation with whoever i'm face-to-face with, WITHOUT having seventeen balloons floating out the backside of my head pulling my brain in that many different directions. i want to actually feel rested after time spent resting, not more frantic and more guilty about not having spent that time doing something more "productive."
this means some thoughtful and intentional change in my life, but i'm tired of being overly active and then completely checking out when i become so exhausted that i'm forced to slow down. i don't think i'm going to achieve total balance overnight --- in fact, i fully expect this change to take weeks, maybe months. i expect to relapse. but i also know that this is what i'm supposed to be doing in this season of my life. i'm not supposed to fill my every waking hour with activity and commitments because i'm not married and i don't have kids, and by gosh if i can't contribute something to the world in THOSE ways, i need to kick it up and earn my keep on this earth.
no.
that's not it.
and like so many times before, my eyes have been recently opened (quite widely) to the fact that i've subconsciously adopted truths about life and myself that are false. it's like having a cold glass of water thrown in my face --- both shocking and refreshing. i am awake.
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sooooo, that's enough heavy ponderous life news for now . . . how about i share some things i love with you before we go?
i LOVE it when blogs do a "what's in your handbag?" feature. somehow i think the more mundane, less artsy things (old receipts, travel packs of kleenex) get edited out, but it's delightful nonetheless! {more on what's in this particular bag here}
i LOVE this coat, and those shoes . . . and the sweeping, glamorous, in-midstep feel of this photo. somehow it strikes me as powerful and vulnerable all at once. {more from this shoot here}okay. off to take in the rest of this day,
5 comments:
i've been thinking about you...hoping you were back and settling in well.
fall is the perfect time to slow down, almond eyes. just say no.
miss you.
talk to me soon.
you're not alone on that desire to be present. i am on that journey as well.
blessed to know you.
being present is such a wonderful thing to want... and I think being aware of it is half of getting there.
You are lovely and you can and will get where you want to go. :)
Do I ever understand where you are coming from. I had to do just that thing at the beginning of fall/end of summer. I canceled trips, didn't sign up for a single class, sport or seminar, and though it was EXCRUCIATING at first, it has been my saving grace these past few months. Some nights the greatest thing is being able to come home and sit with my cat, have a full conversation without trying to multitask, make dinner every night, have time with friends and neighbors. Just tired of trying to do everything and making the people most important to me feel (inadvertantly) like they didn't matter.
Hmm that was more of a ramble than I intended. Basically I just wanted to say that while it is tough and wrenching at the beginning, the benefits far outweigh the fear and difficulty! Good luck in your quest!
-Emily
Oh for femurs like THAT. Everything else I have to say about this needs only you. Love you. So much. Darn it.
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