{ by a nose }

this picture was taken in an abandoned field somewhere in northern wisconsin. i dropped my ghetto point-and-shoot (one day when i'm a real artist i'll have a nikon or a canon, but for now, point-and-shoot it is) on a nest of grass, set the self-timer, pushed the button and walked away. then i walked back, thinking it had gone off. apparently i misjudged and the trusty little silver bullet caught me on the return journey. somehow when i see how this picture came out, it seems the rudimentary device captured exactly the moment i needed to see.

it says to me:
i will come back in one piece.
i am more than what happens to me.
all things return even more brightly than they departed, 
in different form, in a new embrace,
someday.


and even while i try to have patience with all the unopened answers in my heart, i'm the horse restless in the gate, tossing my head and pawing the soft ground. i know the whites of my eyes are showing, but i can't swallow the desperation lately. every other animal to my right and to my left has taken off...i can hear the distant roar of the world cheering them on, thousands of lengths ahead of me. i'm hungry to run, to catch up with everyone else. i want to move with the crowd, feel the swell to the left as we round the turns together. the more years that pass though, the more i come to realize that i may have my race, but it may be just that --- mine and mine alone. it seems a waste of all the love in this heart, but when i think about a riderless beast pounding the dirt for all she's worth, eyes bright and breath steady, i can feel the thunder in my bones and i'm beginning to believe it will be nothing less than magnificent.

whatever comes,
she