{ the first last days }

if only everything was this simple and true.

yellow on black on white,

boundaries clearly defined.

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i never seem to set my expectations just right. but sometimes i do. i control my own churning weather system and i'm opening my umbrella just as the rain falls, rip, slide, click. then i have to smile through the storm, because gosh darn it, i was ready.

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am i fooling myself in seeing that hairline fracture of sadness in your bones, imperceptible to everyone but me? i think i know you better than anyone, and i think i might always will. i think you might know it too, though i don't imagine you'd ever let yourself entertain the thought. i think it's too scary for you. and i understand how, in your position, it would be. doesn't change anything, though.

our soulmates aren't always the ones we stay with forever.
there's something tragic but beautiful about that, isn't there?

there are disappointments

that last as long as life.

{ henry james }

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i'm not saying you should be with me, i'm just saying we'll always be someone to each other. the years will probably wear that down to nothing. but your outline will burn the backs of my eyes from time to time. sometimes it makes me smile, sometimes it hurts in a way nothing else does. but that's how it's going to be, an achy front moving through my body every once in awhile. i know this and when the pressure systems shift, i will be ready.

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