{ vision }

in the beginning, i believe my eyes were too widely open --- which led to me squeezing them shut against the glare of too much unmanageable truth. 

in retrospect i see that grief rendered me alternately myopic and all-seeing.

tears: they blind and they clarify.

now i comb through an ocean of words with five-years-later eyes,

and it shocks me how little you ever had to say.
how could i have failed to notice the imbalance between us?

but i can see it now. i can see everything.

you cracked my world like an egg, and you executed this motion with the swift utilitarian force of a mind already on the next step of its own recipe.

you struck like lightning right through the center of me; those four ring-years of life will always be warped and charred. 

you left my home for some better wild world and opened every window before you went. all manner of things that didn't belong made their way into carefully-arranged rooms and quiet hallways. they burrowed in my closets, ransacked my cupboards, bit my fingers, scared me at night. 

you destroyed me, and you saved me.

you saved me --- from you.

--------------------------------------------------------

every day i find out something

which makes me glad.

{ helen keller }