oh, please.

i know i've talked about ChemoHusbandSyndrome before. as a quick review, CHS occurs when a husband brings his wife in for treatment and a.) doesn't know what to do with himself, and/or b.) is confused by the fact that his wife is getting all the attention and tries to regain the spotlight. i'm not saying chemo husbands don't love their wives or want them to get better, but in all seriousness, many men are not used to their wives being taken care of. their entire lives and marriages, the wives have been the ones to take care of the husbands, and when that's reversed, the husbands behave like children. in my mind it's similar to how a firstborn might react when his/her parents have a second child.


anyway, we had the most severe case of CHS a few weeks ago, and today his wife was due for treatment again. so he came in, loud and obnoxious. the last time he was here, he was confused by the fact that i wasn't laughing uproariously at his (lame) jokes and very loudly proclaimed that i was "the one who smiles all the time." i chose to ignore his behavior because he was obviously acting out of fear and nervousness, or not the kind of person with whom it's worth arguing.


today he and his wife walked in the door, and while i was speaking with the patient, he interrupted and said, "do you ever smile?" there was a blip in the conversation between his wife and me, but we kept talking, so he blurted out again, "DO YOU EVER SMILE?"


the rest of the conversation went like this.


me: why?
patient: look, she's smiling right now!
husband: but really, do you EVER smile?
me: why? why do you keep asking that?
husband: you're just so SERIOUS all the time.
patient: she's got a serious job, honey.
husband: yeah, but all the other times we've been here, she's NEVER smiled.
me: actually, you've been here once.
husband: and don't you remember? you threw me down the stairs.
me: yeah, i'll bet i was smiling then!


at this point i took my exit to bring the chart back to the nurses. as i left my office, i heard the patient say to him, she got you, honey.


yep.
yep, i did.

and now that i know this guy's behavior is a combination (i'd say about 65/35) of natural obnoxiousness / CHS, i'll continue to put him in his place until he leaves me the freak alone.


i may be a grumpy snail all balled up in my shell, but if you've spent any amount of time on this earth, you know that the worst thing to do to a grumpy snail is turn it over and poke its underside. that's what this man(boy) has done to me, and i suppose nasty little glimpses of the sarcastic sense of humor i DO have might cure him of his abrasive curiosity.