the second half of wednesday marks the cresting of the work week's mountain. finally, the slightest release of tension in my shoulders and i realize i've got a few more hours and just two days before that blissful, Not-Previously-Allotted (usually) thing called le weekend. i wish i could enjoy every moment of monday and tuesday to the fullest, but i'm not a perfect being, and that means i look forward to friday. this week was worse than most for a variety of reasons and i am glad to see the weekend arrive. not because the Thing i'm facing is going to get easier on saturday, but because if i have NPA (see above) minutes to reflect on the Thing, it will be better so.
some favorite things: a white hoodie. dark denim. Maybelline's "Shiny-licious" gloss in Berry Bella. black flip flops. Sheer Freesia body lotion. the OLD Herbal Essences shampoo scent. Clinique Happy. Claude Debussy. iceland. letterpress. feeling beautiful in my own skin.
oh blue sky, you got somethin' on me
oh redwood, such a mystery
oh honeysuckle, just as sweet as can be
so green field, won’t you comfort me
comfort me
some unfavorite things: slow internet. a favorite pair of shoes wearing out. jerk neighbors. forgetting a water bottle. shopping for pants. constant interruptions. unrest. regret.
seven days i felt this emptiness
in the darkness i can’t get no rest
well i cried all night, i must confess
as for why, i couldn’t even guess
i’m so distressed
most of the time if i appear to be raging, i'm usually dead silent inside. and when i'm quiet, there's probably an inner monologue being spoken that you wouldn't believe. i'm much happier much more often now that i don't expect people to understand me perfectly. but there is always that yearning to be not just seen, but known. not just known, but understood. blessing of blessings, i am increasingly able to find solace in sensing, knowing, and understanding myself.
now i hear those ancient voices
words of wisdom, music to my ears
and all around me i can feel the loving soul that brought me here
things are looking better
{gabe dixon :: "ancient voices"}
if i cannot say today that things are getting better,
i can say that they will.
now, to embrace patience. to lean back and breathe.
to enjoy this day.
2 comments:
do you ever feel the ancient words of our correspondence? we could easily be two voices of the past, of a famos correspondece between Goethe and Carlyle, between Washington and Jefferson, Bronte and Heger...
1. DeBussy. Dear god. I walked down the isle to Clair De Lune, and one time, Joel and I went to a symphony to hear i forget who, and then at the end, the encore..a fabulous pianist played Clair De Lune, and I wept. Oh how he fills my soul with melancholy and frightful hope, a deep awareness of my existence...and it's fleeting hours.
2. I am working on and have made progress in releasing this, but I am often driven by understanding and hyper-focused on being understood. Oh how I am compelled to explain my aloof behavior, given the chance...and I feel sadenned by it. I understand me. Why don't others? I just relate is all.
3. lean back and breath. i did it.
tgiT-
crm
"Maybelline's "Shiny-licious" gloss in Berry Bella"
[YOU]
I'd like to say something delightful and profound but what hangs over me, like a freshly spritzed cloud of delicate perfume, after reading this post is the fact that no one...and I mean NO ONE...does lipstick like you.
You know me and my favorite yellow and grey striped Targets are cheering for you and Friday with all of our hearts (well...if underpants HAD hearts).
You're my favorite W.D.
XO.
Quilly
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