where we've been, where we're going

i was up until 1:27 a.m. last night having a spectacular conversation with a friend. we talked about many things and i went to the grocery store with her. she shivered. she bought triscuits. i layered on the down comforters and let my laughter peal through the autumn night. we traded secret idiosyncrasies about our significant others. we decided to get over ourselves. and i realized that she's really good at loving the present and i tend to dwell in the past and dream about the future.

i cherish the moments when it dawns on me that i have a past, a present, and a future with people in my life. i've encountered many obstacles to healthy, lasting relationships in my life, as i think many of us have. leaning into the organic, fresh, real security that comes with a true friend is one of life's greatest privileges to me.

thank you, true friends. you mean the world to me,
and i find you sweeter because of the relationship hardship i've known. my appreciation for true (platonic) love between friends is heightened in this season of my life.

there's my deep reflection for the day . . . and now i'd like to share some places i've been. none of these images have been run through the photo-editing ringer --- any good qualities they possess are not due to my photography skills (of which there are none), but rather to the amazing locations they depict.

{side note: i feel the need to distinguish between pictures that haven't been edited, because as i see so much "good" photography in the world, i feel like i can't always "trust" the pictures because they've most likely been photoshopped for 276 hours and retain little of the original image. this is NOT to say that i don't think photoshop is a skill or that it doesn't produce amazing results, and this also isn't to say that i think digital/played-with photography isn't "valid." to me there's just something romantic about photographs taken on actual film, negatives developed in the gothic red dark of a darkroom, and images coming to life in their respective chemical baths. can you tell i hung around with art majors in college? my stint as a model for a painting class changed my life . . .}

: : Places I've Been : :

sitting at a light on a city street at night; have you ever felt this way? everything is blurred, it's almost too stimulating, but something about it makes you feel so alive.

milennium park after the jazz fest last year; i was in love and found the tall, lit-up buildings a striking backdrop for the structure of the bandshell field. that blue glow is the stage. i LOVE city lights at night . . . everything's closed, but charged with possibility.

the boyfriend's family came to town this past winter and we all went to see Wicked at the Oriental Theatre. look at all those green lights! i was hopping around in delight. see the little wicked witch flying monkey things on the top of the marquee? it was freezing that night. the green glow only added to the weather's effect . . .

a view from the floor of the hotel lobby in Maui; they have this amazing open-air lobby with massive patterned sails criss-crossing the entire space. looking up gives you the most expansive sense of freedom and limitlessness you can imagine. i love this place, and i love my parents for investing in property there :) it's even more fantastic when it rains.


these are some of the places i've been. the windy city, ornate theatres, paradise. i've been sad and overwhelmed. i've hated myself and i've cried trying to understand how someone could love me.

some of the places i'm going: it overlaps. i'll be in the city again, i'll wake up to the rustling of palm trees in january. i'll hold the weight of being in my hands, distill it in my pen, and pour it into writing. i'll learn myself. i'll love myself. i'll walk into peace like the shimmering ocean at high tide.

where have you been? where are you going?