[ notebooks by perfectbound ]although it's become irritating that every blog entry i've read today has mentioned or been solely about the fact that it's now a new year, i'm about to write a new year's post of my own. how did this happen? how did i become such a filthy hypocrite?
well i may be a hypocrite, but i did shower this morning. i even styled my hair a little bit. proud of me? i am. i might just eat something with avocado in it to reward myself . . . but that's another post.
now that i'm here, i'm procrastinating writing anything about the new year because the prospect feels daunting. i don't know what my dreams are for the next 360 days; i don't have specific goals or aspirations; i don't have a reading list. i don't even have a standout favorite song from 2008, at least not that i can think of right now. this is unusual for me. i'm an expert at filtering through massive amounts of information and choosing favorite things. unfortunately, right now all i can think about are the molehills of presents, holiday cards, gift wrap, shoes, and various bundles of important documents (my tax forms came last week - didn't i just DO my taxes?) that litter the floor of my living room. so there are a couple easy goals for 2009:
- do my taxes on time, maybe even early this year
- develop perfect & effective filing system for cards and personal mail
- stop living like a hoardy little mole
oh wait, i forgot: that tutorial (How to Write a Dreamy, Yet Rational List of Life Goals) is also filed under Living Your Everyday Life as Only You Can Live It (apparently my metaphorical filing cabinet is full of folders with really long, super complex titles). if i don't have the excitment and inspiration today, chances are next wednesday i'll be so full of fanciful thoughts i won't know what to do with myself.
i'm learning to trust that the unique way i see, digest, and express the world around me holds inspiration and impetus of its own --- and it's a long lesson to work through. when i absorb the works of great poets and honest songwriters or hear the success stories of my parents' friends' children (grad school, corporate advancement, advantageous and efficiently-achieved marriages, mind-blowingly humble missions work) it's easy to look at my life and feel like a ridiculously mediocre person. but i'm observing and understanding my own space in the world in a way that only i can --- and until my resolve weakens and my imagination fails, i'm going to let that count for something.
---she.
8 comments:
with what little i know about you, i don't think you're mediocre. don't know if that matters since you probably have no idea who i am, but you seem pretty neat to me!
happy new year
even your self-deprecation is adorable.
if i could muster the courage for even one of your 3 massively bold (what the hell is that word???) propositions, no - oh resolutions. yep, that's how connected i am to making resolutions (i.e. predetermined failures).
goals terrify me. however, bribed with a firm, ripe avocado, just about anything is possible.
jordan: the sweet words of strangers mean more than you'd think :) even so, you don't seem like a total stranger to me. thank you so much for your kindness!
i.mara: greetings, m'lady...you are all at once genuinely encouraging and delightfully witty. let's conspire over spoonfuls of that heavenly green and dappled dome (the avocado, of course) soon.
I love that your files in your head have extremely long titles...written, I'm sure, in the most perfect script!
ahem...
i plan to steal number 2 resolution. let me know of your system so i can promptly steal it.
"i'm learning to trust that the unique way i see, digest, and express the world around me holds inspiration and impetus of its own." this is precisely, most poignaintly true.
for the record:
you
are
in
NOOOOOO
way
any
possible
sort
of
rodent.
(loved this post. but what's new?)
For starters:
Well I know both YOU and the Jordan and I think you're both swell. Jordan bakes mean mean gluten free treats and you are an appendage of my body. I really can't live without either of you. For very long.
Secondly:
I am one of those annoying New Year-blog-posters and quite admittedly I must tell you that I haven't a single resolution made. I know there are things I'd like to do in the next year or so but I don't exactly feel as though there is anything that needs immediate fixing in my life.
Also, admittedly, I am a sinner so there's probably plenty to fix.
Thirdly:
I feel like I ooze this compliment every time I speak with you or leave you an insanely long telly message or write you a letter...I think people like YOU make the mediocre feel bad about themselves. This is to say that you are practically rotting with talent in that you have so much of it sitting around you in thick tipsy piles that you might not make your way through it all before it decays.
Ok.
Well that metaphorical attempt on my part started to go nowhere and then it turned into something sad and festering...but surely you know what I mean!
Remember that time at Wheaton when we went to the conservatory and you played the grand piano and I danced for you and then together we sang slow quiet songs? Moments with you (up close and from afar) are never mediocre. C'est impossible!
We've had four apart.
Now it's time for one together.
I'm going to get the ball rolling.
I love you so.
Even if you feel like a R.O.U.S.
Squeak squeak,
Quillian
AMEN SISTER!
I was ready to get out my Southern Baptist fan by the end of that last paragraph.
And just so you, mediocre people bore me. They do not bring new insights to my own life, they do not make me laugh out loud with little quips, and they most certainly do not make me cry instantaneously with the recognition of beauty and understanding. And as you have done everyone of those things, I can say with absolute positivity that you are MILES away from mediocre.
I aspire to wash my hair more in 2009, and not just wear a hat because I am lazy. How's that for a rodent-like goal?
lindsay: you know it! the world could expect nothing less of me!
mme: thank you always for your encouragement.
quilly: you may be the only one who can concoct acronyms that elude me. darn you. also, i remember it ALL and will do my part to contribute to the sparkling, thundering ball that is our imminent reunion. HOORAY!
umber: you're the sweetest and i thank you. in addition, yours are some resolutions i can get behind - gotta start small. now where's MY fan? :)
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