unsettled

all right
it's all right now
{ otr }

in my dreams last night i was told i had 5 months to live.

it was so realistic (i rarely am conscious of or remember dreams) that it's midday and despite the gorgeous weather and easy work schedule, i'm having a hard time shaking the chill. in the dream i was distraught but resigned, and filled with anxiety in the face of bringing closure to my life within a fixed amount of time.

perhaps most troubling of all is the one thing i knew i had to do before dying. it's something i don't think i could do without that sort of gravity being placed upon me. and it reveals to me exactly how i feel about that one thing. at this point i'm not sure if that's a blessing or a curse.

i know how i feel.
i know what i'd have to do.

and if i said that not even the most beautiful summer wind could lift this burden of knowledge from me, i'd also have to say that following what i truly feel and doing what i really want to do would release me from the confinement i've felt for several months.

courage . . .

and the rest
is unspeakable

image from
coastal living