she lives

i want to tell you
that i have so much to tell you
{ i am better now, "i love you, and a million other things" }
but there's no time

because every time i have the words,
i realize i will have more to tell you
{ it is all right, i'm going to Paris, i'm daydreaming again }

thank God for this resilience,
the iridescent shield that shimmers across the whole ocean,
for roads to walk and rooms to clean.
thank God for everything.

the thought lanced my being like a bittersweet arrow,
sharp enough to pierce but too dull to kill:
ca ne change pas. c'est vrai, c'est vrai aujourd'hui aussi.
but i am not running from love, or words,
or any combination of the two.

so when you see me,
when your gaze tries to take it in,
know you look upon a new creation ---
and if the brightness hurts your eyes,
don't feel bad. you aren't the only one.

see? i just told you some of the things i have to tell you
{ i am braver than either of us knew }
and there is still more . . . there is so much more.
so let us continue
let us go on

i remember that day. i remember everything.
and the memories swim in every broken ocean of my soul,
spilling over, bearing me upward, bearing me outward
to the ends of this madly heartbreaking earth.

[ 1.27.10 || she ]