oh for skinnier legs

i think that's my thing.

ALL MY LIFE i've wanted skinnier legs. i've gotten past my small eyes, my short eyelashes, my nonexistent nose, my athletic (not waify) build. i don't wish for a longer neck, a smaller waist, a bigger bust measurement, or narrower feet (though i wouldn't argue against any of those things if they were offered to me free of charge). but of all the things i've learned to live with and learned to live without, skinnier legs are the one thing i still wish for on a regular basis.

i am a strong woman; i can lift and carry things some men would balk at; i played soccer, i did ballet, i could hang from my arms with my chin above a bar for more than a minute. i've accepted and learned to appreciate that i am a muscular, un-willowy person. but when i see boots like this and realize that i will NEVER be able to wear them, part of my heart sinks. boots are such a huge part of style culture --- as a person with decently athletic calves, i feel walled out of this indulgence so many women partake in and obsess about.

cuissardes-noires || eleonore bridge

if i worked out for hours on end i'm not sure my legs would ever GET thinner; a little more fit maybe, but chances are i'd just develop more prominent muscles. apparently i hail from the hardy farmlands of Asia, not the region that produces petite demure child-sized women. okay. well then i'll just be happy i can haul large pieces of equipment with the boys and find some other part of myself to adorn.

in all seriousness, i think it's okay to acknowledge there are parts of us we might change if we had the choice. i also think it's (more than) okay to move on from my dissatisfaction with my physical composition and recognize that everyone feels that way, or has felt that way at some point. it's like anything else --- you give a nod to what you can't control as it approaches you on the street and firmly keep walking.

so instead of letting this (beautiful) photo discourage me and make me feel like i have sequoia trunks for thighs, i'm going to focus on what i love about it that i COULD very well pull off:

1. the surprisingly colorful but non-clashy, feminine but not frilly combination of yellow & lavender with a hint of pale blue
2. the casual but elegant black coat
3. those royal electric blue nails!

i hope as women we can encourage and affirm each others' unique beauty and diffuse the spirit of competition that so often arises in the female community. let's be honest about our insecurities and quick to celebrate each other. i truly believe that women are capable of sharing a bond that is full of strength, empathy, and inspiration. it's a bond wrought with risk, potential pain, and complication, but i am trying to lean into the worth of such a connection. what are we truly getting (and giving) if there is absolutely no risk involved? giving of yourself is a big deal, and letting ourselves receive love from others can be just as difficult.

happy friday, dear women - et amusez-vous ce weekend,
she.