{ seeing the light }

over the past year, i've been learning myself and finding my style at an exponential rate. something about emotional tragedy and the resulting aftermath tends to kick my soul's rear into gear. i stand there stunned for awhile. then i gaze miserably at the surrounding rubble. then i begin to methodically go through the crumbled remains trying to figure out what the hell happened. i get lost. i gather more evidence than you can imagine. i draw conclusions, i question myself, i catalog artifacts. i yearn so acutely for the past that i almost become a ghost.

and then one day, i'm walking through Target
and i buy a cardigan.
and then another, this time at Gap.
i graduate to Banana Republic and J.Crew (extreme lucky sale prices, people).
basically, i see the light.

i'm not saying that shopping or clothes solve everything. because they definitely don't. in fact, i'm trying to say the opposite, while leaving gaping cavernous holes in my story of recovery and redemption. i'm saying that when i was impoverished and blind on the inside, it was really difficult to care what was going on on the outside. and now that i'm beginning to emerge from the fallen city that has been my life these past 2 years, i'm shielding my eyes against the bright light that still shines there. i made it. i'm still standing. i survived.

and strangely (this is the last thing i ever would have expected in the wake of aforementioned emotional unheaval), i'm finally learning something about what i love, what i look best in, and what i can afford. my wardrobe is a glorious mixture of $4 Target finds --- and now that i've realized i'm actually a young adult woman and not a recent college graduate --- some nicer, more expensive pieces (hello, awesomely amazing and flattering BR jeans). i haven't lost my insatiable hunger for a bargain, but i'm less willing to purchase something that doesn't quite fit or isn't that flattering just because it's cheap. at the same time, i'm learning how to truly discern which of those more expensive pieces are truly worth it.

i'm having fun.
i'm re-finding myself.
and people, it's been a long, hard, incredible and rewarding process.

i have a lot more to say about the dangerously competitive/territorial nature of women when it comes to preening and strutting around. there's also much to be said about materialism and how easy it is to lose sight of what truly holds value in this world. at the end of the road, we don't take any of our beautiful clothes with us (no, not even the coral Loft sweater or the gorgeous dark navy leopard print silk flats). but there's nothing wrong with seeking to reflect the beauty we find while we're here. call it "fashion," call it "style," call it whatever you want. i think women collaborating, sharing, and encouraging each other to find our own unique brand of beauty and expression is a wonderful thing.

so i'm kinda new on the journalistic fashion blog scene (and it's definitely a scene running 98,423,017 blogs strong), but there are two i've stumbled upon recently that have kept my attention. i think they both capture an authentic love for beauty, fashion, and a good find as well as a healthy outlook on looking good, being oneself, and getting the most out of what they already have. i've never seen getting dressed as such a creative endeavor before, and though these ladies are much further along than i am when it comes to putting together an outfit, i think it's safe to say i'm on my way. not just to learning to dress myself (at my age that's been a loooong time coming), but to expressing a soul that's seen a lot and is ready to tell the world about it.

thanks for being here.

Kendi Everyday
(the skirt is to die for, but the smile is the best part.)

Rose a La Mode
(i'm wanting those boots something fierce.)