{ clandestine }

i really shouldn't be blogging at this new job.
like, really shouldn't.

any moment now my very hands-on, very observant employer could swoop down like an angry hawk and peck my fingers to shreds. but i miss this. i miss you. do you understand? i'm willing to risk getting my graceful concert pianista fingers ripped to ribbons for your sake. for my blog's sake.

flippers, i need help.
but today is just a day to forsake all fear
and bolt toward exercising my free will in this prison.
'kay?

atlantic-pacific

. . .
um. okay.
so i really don't have that much more to say,
except for this:

my escape recently (when i can slip in a moment for myself in between scheduling cleanings and crowns) has been STYLE BLOGS. there are about three billion out there, and i like just a small handful in particular. honestly, even on the ones i love, i'm especially drawn to only a handful of the ensembles i see. the one above held special interest for me right away . . . that Missoni (!) and the white blazer speak to the soul of my eyes.

when i read these blogs, i'm haunted by temptation to go and buy the exact same outfit or to berate God for building me on such a compact, athletic frame (on my worst days, i might actually kill for long, slender limbs). but thanks to many years of self-hatred, a late realization that i had no good reason to hate myself, and a few years of intensive recovery from and acceptance of the truth that i am a perpetual late bloomer, i'm happy to say i can enjoy the style of willowy blonde women without stumbling into a pit of despair. in fact, i see it as an inspiration and challenge: take what i see and incorporate it onto my body, within my budget, into my daydreams and reality.

this is due in large part to the fact that although these women have expertly curated wardrobes that include items like vintage LV handbags and YSL lipstick, they regularly mix in items from Forever 21 and Gap. there's hope for all of us. but my ability to enjoy the online style craze is due in even larger part to the awesome work that has been done and is being done in me by a kind and merciful force that refuses to let me go. i've fallen, i've gotten lost, but before reaching the outer perimeter of what is salvageable, it has always called me back . . . or carried me beyond myself to higher ground.

sheesh. i knew there was something worth talking about
slowly circling the inside of my foggy head.

she