{ on mute }

image by morgan & lua

ack. life goes by very, very fast.

side note (already): sometimes i feel like everyone needs too much from me. sometimes i feel like i'm not normal. sometimes i feel like i wish all my friendships were long-distance. i'm uncomfortable when someone wants all me all the time all alone --- uncomfortable, and irritated. the weird part is, a lot of the time all i (think i) want is one person to want me and only me above all others. but then it starts to happen in one context or another, and it makes me antsy.

side note #2: a lot of the time i'll title my blog posts with something that seems obviously relevant and abstractly obscure at the same time. mostly i get midway through a post or to the end of it and realize i went in a completely different direction, and i change it. today i'm leaving it. the history of kindness shown here gives me confidence that you'll find a way to forgive me.

because i'm too scattered (and too scared --- i'm blogging from work) to form longer thoughts right now, i'll make a list. if it cuts off abruptly, know my eagle-eye boss has landed . . . and pray for me.

1. it would be nice to be asked out, straightforwardly (not through friends or tentatively or sort of-ly or via text message or vaguely or confusingly). preferably the asker would be relatively close to my age (4-5 years in either direction and i start to get skeptical) and socially adept enough to look me in the eye, hold a door or two, and pick me up, despite the rising cost of gas these days.
2. style blog immersion = my favorite thing, lately.
3. words with friends = the way i'm getting through the 10-hour deskjob day.
4. my addiction to coffee is growing at an alarming (and altogether wonderful) rate. though i still put in a truckload of cream and sugar. so i'm not sipping a black thimble of uber-espresso 5 times a day, but i'm getting there. i'll keep you posted.
5. sometimes the rain just seems right.

i sense an imminent lack of privacy (i.e. opportunity to engage in personal leisure activities on the clock), so i'm going to cut this short. but one last thing --- i REALLY love the white-on-olive-on-grey-on-taupe going on in this photo. i'm usually a total colorburst, but something about this outfit speaks of elegance, strength, and ease. sometimes simple things can be surprisingly complex . . . which is frustrating and reassuring, both.

laters,
she