{ i'll be found }

when the world has fallen out

from under me...

{ brooke fraser }

{ heartbreak playlist }

i'm sad. i want to call her, but i shouldn't.

so i'm texting you.

usually something like this would cause internal turmoil for me, maybe even tears. but for once i was glad to be on the other end of the phone. for the record, i'd like to be that person more often: the person who feels privileged when others come to her with their heaviness, because they trust me. because they believe i see them. because their battered souls find safe harbor in my presence. because, whether they could articulate it or not, they hope i can help them somehow.

i don't think anyone is born knowing just what to do in any given situation. i don't think receiving someone else's pain is something we ever know how to do. but i do believe that certain souls are born with the ability to simply do or be whatever is needed in certain moments. maybe it's a certain receptivity in a person that allows her to ebb and flow with the tide of someone's grief, or elation.

i don't know if my soul reflects this receptivity or ability to move with the tide of a situation. what i do know is that as i've gotten older, as i've gotten better at listening, i often find myself doing or saying things i never would've expected of myself when a friend comes to me raw with need. sometimes it does feel like some other force is forming sentences or bringing my arms around someone in a certain way. i always feel a mixture of confusion and relief when this happens.

oh friend. 

you aren't alone.

and you need the perfect song.

he did. i sent him some. i sent him 18 perfect songs for those moments. and if i hadn't felt the same kind of lost, so full of yearning with no acceptable outlet, so restless with everything unrequited in the world, at some point(s) in my own travels, i wouldn't have had the resources i (he) needed.

to everything that happens to us

that eventually happens to someone else

to seeing heartbreak as a gift that devastates me

but gives me a chance to be part of mending another

to being the one to harbor you

when the seas are just too rough ---

i am here.

{ s.r. }

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