{ thirty thankful days }

something has to change.

i think i'll start with the hardest part:

my heart.

day one

this week i've received two very unpleasant pieces of news. i've retreated to the deepest caverns of my soul to process everything, wandering the echoing chambers streaked with color and memory, devastation and triumph.

yesterday i brought my car in for repair (which is always such an ordeal in and of itself) and the diagnosis was manageable, but still involves quite a large sum of money. i expect the poor beast to go another 100,000 miles, so i'm putting the money into it, but the figure definitely has me reeling.

my immediate thoughts upon agreeing to the work were this: i'll eat apples for lunch. snow peas for dinner. i'll stop going out. and i have to stop shopping.

i still have to sit down and draw out the specifics of this plan --- i think restricting myself from doing something i love doing completely cold turkey (shopping) has potential to be disastrous (like, i tell myself i can't have sour cream and i do well for 5 days and then snap only to consume an entire tub of the stuff). but even as i know i have to curtail my spending to accommodate the expense of my car, i also want to add something intangible and constructive to my life.

i've decided to call it { thirty thankful days }.

i know it's the most cliche thing in the world to say that when we're thankful, our focus turns from what we want to what we have and then the desire to acquire fades away. i don't believe that thankfulness (or anything for that matter) can completely obliterate our desire to obtain pretty things, and i don't even think that desire is a bad thing in the first place. i just think for myself right now, remembering the beautiful things i've surrounded myself with, but may have forgotten, is going to be a really good thing.

i thought about starting a flickr group, but i have no idea how many people actually read this blog and it would be pretty sad if i invited the entire internet and only i showed up. so today i created a thirty thankful days flickr set and i'm going to try and add something at least once per day. the photos aren't going to be superbly styled or professionally taken or edited. in fact, most of them will probably be taken using instagram.

you'll probably see some of the same objects appear multiple times throughout the thirty days...as i've said, i tend to have a big love for a few precious things. and while this particular personal project is somewhat centered around the material things, i think another lesson i want to learn is that all the immaterial things i so yearn for (love, acceptance, capability, possibility) might already have roots in the hopeful ground of my soul.

may my eyes be opened.
she

p.s. if you want to join me for { thirty thankful days }, send me a link to your blog or flickr set and i'll collect and share them all.