{ during construction }

this is a shore i visit regularly.
i set the alarm for 4am, meet a friend in a deserted parking lot,
and we make our way east into the rising sun.

i've found that this place is one of those things in life
that is always just as beautiful as i expect and need it to be.
and for this thing that never disappoints,
i am thankful.

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this place hasn't looked the way i thought it should for a long time.
it is officially under construction.

(for instance, why isn't my blog header centered? i didn't do one single thing differently when i uploaded it months ago, but it's never been in the middle, and that's always bothered me. i could probably figure out how to fix it, but i've been too preoccupied. now it seems important.)

i am changing things, gradually. paring down.
it still doesn't look right to me.
but it will get there.
just like everything else...

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i am learning to have to be okay with how things look during construction.
this blog, my spaces at home, and all other things more abstract that i am struggling to manage. my very self is under construction. it's a mess. sometimes i can hardly breathe, and on the worst days, i've totally lost vision of what i could be. what i am meant to be. i feel like nothing but an empty frame, tarps billowing, project abandoned and left to the wild and all manner of things that do not have a home.

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all i am

all i need

you're the air

that i'd kill to breathe

{ sara bareilles }