{ a little light, shall we? }

there's been a lot of heaviness around here lately. i don't think there's one thing wrong with lifting up my burdens most days...but it's sunday afternoon, i'm on my third cup of coffee, and i feel like sharing some ordinary happiness. let the song below, and its whimsical but powerful lyrics, frame our time together. i didn't even watch the whole video, so i apologize in advance if it contains anything offensive or inexplicable. { edit: i just watched the entire video and you should, too. i was giggling the entire time. }

her eyes are light and clear

and fearless like chicago winds in the winter time

and her hair is never quite in place

and the knees in her jeans have seen better days

and she's no beauty queen but you love her anyway

she's a wildewoman

if you told me any amount of time ago that one day i'd be posting photos of myself with bedhead on the internet, i would've scoffed grandly. well friends, the day has come. i really am a wildewoman.

fact about me: sleeping in is my most-preferred luxury.
big breakfasts, late nights, and movies follow closely after.

i love nothing more than staying up late, knowing i have no reason to have to get out of bed the next morning. in the latest hours, music playing, no one else stirring in the world, i feel very...myself: independent, solitary, easily self-occupied. i love walking late at night as well, headphones in, footsteps swallowed by the stars.

she's gonna find another way back home

it's written in her blood, oh it's written in her bones

yeah, she's ripping out the pages in your book

she's gonna find another way back home

it's written in her blood, oh it's written in her bones

yeah, she'll only be bound by the things she chooses

some things of my now:

• i went to the city last night. the bustle of humanity and every tree sparkling with lights made me feel claustrophobic and hopeful all at once. i had an unbelievable dinner with a friend and we lingered over cocktails and beignets...so long, in fact, that we had to run to catch the train. 
• my roommate's goldfish keeps staring at me balefully, asking to be fed. i just stuck my tongue out at him. what a creep.
• i spent some time this morning "morrising" --- engrossed in some of candace's writing, trying to envision some of joel's project-ing. those two make my life better.
• yesterday as i was getting ready, i burst out laughing as i remembered taking those "jumping over the pillar" photos with jillian in saskatoon so many years ago. (was it nine years ago, in 2004?) sometimes i don't think i've ever laughed so hard in my life as i did that night.
• speaking of causing a scene...last night on the way home, i think the whole train car was staring at me since i was laughing uncontrollably at some ridiculous comment i made to my friend. the best part? they all wanted to be annoyed with me, but when they saw me laughing, they couldn't help but smile. take that, easily-ruffled suburbanites.

her smile is sneaky like a fiery fox

it's that look that tells you she's up to no good at all

and she'll say whatever's on her mind

they're unspeakable things and she'll speak them in vain

and you can't help but wish you had bolder things to say

she's a wildewoman

she will only be bound by the things she chooses

the things i choose to bind myself to:

• late-night hope and clinging to technological beacons with my redwood
• the tears that accompany my most fervent prayers
• my favorite mug (pictured above) and its giver
• the sharp task of forgiveness
• my occasional insatiable desire for cookies
• a life of searching, asking, needing, remembering, losing, seeing: my life.

thanks for being here, for sharing in my burdens and my joy.

she