{ in the wind }

and i don't know who i thought i was

maybe you knew, maybe you saw

but i have a feeling we

were both pretending

i am getting smaller, my bones more prominent, the planes of my body straighter. my rings have started slipping off and my bracelets slide further and further down my arms. who knew i was carrying so much extra weight? i didn't.

but maybe i did, and i just didn't know what to do about it.
but maybe i knew what i had to do, but i couldn't.
or wouldn't.
at a certain point it's just easier to hold onto things,
even the things that make us heavy.

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sometimes at the end of the night, when i'm locking up after everyone has rushed off to their husbands and children, i realise without self-pity that i'm not rushing because there isn't anyone waiting for me. if i work late, no one is left unfed and no one wonders where i am. there's a definite freedom in that, and also a terrible un-tetheredness. i belong to no one; i whip and stream in the wind.