thursday rage

bah. bah bah bah. baaaaaaaaah.

i don't know what to say. i want more from life than i'm currently getting. a lot of my friends are going through things and i feel burdened for them. i'm behind on Christmas endeavors and i find it difficult to care. i've spent at least 24% of Advent planning Advent services - why do i feel like i haven't entered into the season at all?

i think part of the problem is that i don't sleep like i should. i always end up staying up late, waking up tired, rushing, and my day starts out flurried and frustrating. i know i could get to bed earlier but after i'm detoxed from the day, i want to spend a few hours doing something I want to do. and that means i'm usually doing whatever that may be from 9 p.m.-12 a.m. or 10 p.m. - 1 a.m. WHY? and this is the time of day i WANT to be awake and doing and creating and accomplishing.

only this is a world of mornings and afternoons, my worst times. my best times are dusk, evening, and night. let's face it - i'm a vampire.

FINALLY, the answer to my problems. if only i'd realized it sooner - i'm a vampire. a creature of the night. right up there with the possums and three-toed sloths and nasty bats and whatever other freakish animal is nocturnal. yes --- no wonder the fluorescent light sucks my soul and makes me feel like i'm being x-rayed for 9 hours per day --- LIGHT VANQUISHES VAMPIRES.

oh God. i really need to go and sequester myself.
or maybe i'm just craving blood . . .




somebody help me?