it's not exciting anymore.

over the last couple weeks, it's struck me a few times as i looked on the face of my significant other that it's not exciting anymore. tomorrow marks a year and a half since we decided to be officially linked together, and right now i feel that we've reached a standstill of sorts.

when i try to articulate how i feel, it never comes out quite how i want it to . . . and i think that's because when you say, "it's not exciting anymore," those words have a bad connotation. but i don't really mean them in a bad way. does that make sense?

when i try to tell someone about it, they finish my sentence by saying, "you're comfortable." and i guess that's true, but it's not really what i mean. for some reason, the word Comfortable is in the same camp as Complacent. and i'm not apathetic about my relationship, but it's definitely reached a stage of . . . equilibrium? . . . that i've never experienced.

i think this is the stage where a lot of people get bored, and either break up or cheat. it's not that what you have is bad, it's that it seems normal, which for some reason is considered a bad thing. i don't like the message that culture delivers: if you aren't busy, or always entertained, then move on move on move on find something that keeps you interested, keeps you distracted, keeps you anesthetized. the fact of the matter is, so much of the beauty in life is found in the quiet, "boring", mundane moments. if you're constantly in a whirlwind, when are you gonna catch any of that slow beauty, disguised in routine and ordinary-ness?

i do think it's possible to romanticize routine and become complacent, and that's how some people end up in relationships that go on and on without any fruit being borne of the union . . . and i guess that's a really weird and old-fashioned way to say that i do think there are some relationships that are meant to end if there isn't a spark. but.

i don't think any of us should tolerate years of being utterly and blindingly bored by our romantic partners. and at the same time, i believe that getting over those tiresome hills of "normalcy" in a relationship is necessary at first. i want to press into the life i'm building with him, because if it IS going to last, every day can't be heart-pounding and breathless. i don't want to shy away from really being with someone - on the uneventful days, too - just because it feels like more should be happening.

i'm getting to the point where sometimes i look at him and think, could i look at this face every day and be happy? and usually i look away because we aren't there yet, we aren't asking those questions yet.

so then i think, can i look at this face today?
the answer is always, yes. yes and yes.