{ choosing my storm }

|| morning, november 9, 2010 ||

before now, i had no idea how much one could love her bed. really. not just for sleeping, but the sheer aesthetic beauty of it. buying new bedding (which doesn't have to be expensive, if you're not extremely picky about thread count, which i'm not) is a fast, almost effortless way to change things up. i love it. $7 for some new pillowcases, and i feel like i've updated the entire bedroom.

right now my bed is a remix of pattern, color, and texture --- winter is here in the midwest, and i forgot how amazing it is to burrow in each night. i sleep SO much better when it's cooler. so i'm cozying up with:

- pale blue fitted sheet & matching pillowcase
- circular dot flat sheet
- patterned turquoise pillowcase (pictured)
- woodland organic duvet
- pale blue down throw with dainty polka dot pattern
- faux fur turquoise throw
- mulberry square throw pillow with ruffle

yes, it's a veritable menagerie of bedding. but it is so inviting, not only because all of these items are crushed into a small space (yes, i still sleep in a chaste twin bed), but because every single color, weight, and texture are represented. it's like falling into a divinely padded and painted cushion.

so . . . wanna sleep over?

in other news, it looks like 1 job lead in particular just might work out. transition is such a strange thing to weather; each day is a mixture of elation, hope, disappointment, and confusion. like, am i supposed to take this opportunity? it isn't what my heart is after, but it pays more. and it has potential to yield more than i think. it seems to be moving along, so do i just keep moving with it until i meet resistance? and if i never meet resistance, does that mean i'm meant to do it?

confusion. i realize i gauge so much of what is "right" on how far along each particular path i'm permitted to travel. if the road gets bumpy, i'll keep walking, but if the next turn reveals an unbreachable obstacle, i'll stop to think about whether i should try to surmount it. and then when it starts to rain, i'll look at the sky with an eyebrow raised. if i see dark figures shadowing me in my peripheral vision, i'll stand still. and then what?

my perfectionist, capable, i'll-conquer-anything attitude has gotten me into trouble before. sometimes when things become unbearably difficult, they are simply not meant to be persisted through. and for me, that's a hard reality to face . . . because it just feels like i'm giving up.

but some things aren't worth what they require.
many, many difficult things are absolutely worth it.
necessary for our growth, even.
but not everything.

we were not meant to mutely weather every single storm that comes our way. so rise up against the thunder in your heart, or let the lightning transport you somewhere else. but don't let the world capsize you without a fight. and a fight can be thrashing with all your might, or it can be pointing your sternum toward the clouds and suspending yourself in an unbreakable backfloat.

perhaps the most difficult thing is knowing which storms to let soak you and which to seek cover from. may i have the wisdom to sense what is right when the rain comes.