{ les pensees }

image found here

y'know, things are strange lately. i mean, when are things not strange? but lately they're a different kind of strange. i feel like i'm standing in the trees surrounding some sort of lagoon (what a great word). as i look out over the surface of the water, everything seems so still. but underneath i can feel something stirring --- the restlessness of a deep sea, the impending storm of change. i dream about the rain pelting my face only to wake up in tears --- or is my face dry in real life and i'm crying in my sleep? it's hard to tell anymore.

because words tend to fail at times like these (and as a writer and poet you know what it takes for me to admit such a thing), i will now make a list of things i'd like to do. totally logical, right?

1. i'd like to say "lagoon" more often.
2. i'd like to learn how to make good coffee. maybe one day i'll have a french press.
3. i'd like to eat out less.

you know, i'm going to stop myself there. because while lists are really good for breaking life down into more manageable portions, if they get too long that sorta defeats that purpose. but one more thing: i'd like to learn how to be myself better. and then i'd like to love that self a little better too.

as for the whole wordlessness thing, i'm just remembering that t.s. eliot says that is what most art aspires to. i wish i could employ the internet to provide you with an exact reference for that right now, but i'm blogging on the sly at work and i think the rapidfire sound of my typing has already aroused suspicion. basically i'm just reminding myself that ultimately, the most profound things i've experienced usually leave me silent and wide-eyed in the best way. so a lack of words must mean something's afoot. today i'm going to believe that something is something good.

xoxo
she